She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED