Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...