If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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