I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
