i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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