I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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