just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
