if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
