I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
