I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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