wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
How naked do you want me to be?
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