I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You pole danced in your parka.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
