Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
