Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
