She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
