It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
