All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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