i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
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A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
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Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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