I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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