Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
