I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
