Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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