a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
