the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
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Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
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As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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