I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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