From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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