Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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