Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My pussy is not your playground.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
