remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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