we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
