so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
