he looks like a really good dad on facebook
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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