Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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