I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
did i walk over a car last night?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
