you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
