"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
