It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
