Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
