Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
There was a lot of him and a little penis
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
