I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
