Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
