On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
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