Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
