Where is the hickey?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
