Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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