I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
