I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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