Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
