and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
