New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
