so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
