Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
