You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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