I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
