I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We talked him into tasing himself.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
