Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
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