Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
