If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
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it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
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The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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