I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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