my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
