yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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