make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
