Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
