so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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