Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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