i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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