HIV tests are more positive than that guy
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
