Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
When are your genitals available?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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