Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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