A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
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