God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
