Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
