He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
