she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
