So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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