I want to stick my p in your. b.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
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