make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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