I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
