Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
