Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
