Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
