Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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