So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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